she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize