Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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