R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
