I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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