So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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