I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
