Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
