OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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