i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
