whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
