Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
