Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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