I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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