Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
