Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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