i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
