All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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