Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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