I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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