everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
