Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I believe in your delicious
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
