the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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