just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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