Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
