I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
