Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
