I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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