What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
