just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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