You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
