These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
