I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
