how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
