I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
