You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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