Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
