And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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