I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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