i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I deserve this hangover.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
