his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
