my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
