Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
