You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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