TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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