this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
