first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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