Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
