ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I love having hate sex.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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