i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize