There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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