Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize