Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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