His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
