What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my being single is dangerous.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
