Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
