goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
