So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
