would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
