dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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