my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize