did you get engaged???
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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