At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
