you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
