i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
