is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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