True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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