I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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