So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
