He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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