normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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