what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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