now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
