Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
