please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
