Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
