last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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