also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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