Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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