the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The beers last night were like the tears from god
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
