fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
