considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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