So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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