I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
