I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
