No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize