I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dear god my vagina.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
