im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
