Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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