i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
