mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
