Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
