seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
