And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
