Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize