I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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