so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
