id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
