I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
