It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
