I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
