I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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