Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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