And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
