I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize