your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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