The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
